...but they let me have paper

I'm back in my flat now. I must say it's rather odd. I've been away for a few months (well quite a few months) and now I'm back. But they let me have paper, so I've written some new material.

I've seen Graham again, and we've written a new song together, amazingly. It's in the same vein as 'I Keep The One I Love In The Freezer' - I worry about Graham's ideas sometimes! He seems so normal on the outside. I'm going to try and record a demo asap so you can hear it.

When I started this blog, I intended to record four albums' worth of Empty Vessel by myself. I don't think I can do that any more, and I don't think I really want to. Deep breath. I - think - it - might - be - time - to - move - on. There, I've said it. My therapist should be very proud of me.

So having said that, here's the real bombshell. Zed never actually existed. He was imaginary. The Empty Vessel never had more than four members. The guitar on the early tracks, just like on the later tracks, was me. I wasn't deliberately trying to deceive anyone, you understand. I really thought he was real...but he wasn't.

My therapist thinks that I was projecting my insecurities about playing the guitar on to a fictional construct. I guess the idea is that if people complained about it, I could blame someone else. Or something. I don't really know.

The good news is this: I'm friends again with Graham. He's been a true friend through all of this. And I've seen Jen several times, and I don't want to say anything much about that because I don't want to prejudice anything. I've even met up with Beth again - once. That was interesting.

And the best news of all is that I'm putting a band together again, at last. I have another vocalist lined up who's better than me - I am hoping this will take some of the stress of live performance away. And I have a bassist, and maybe a drummer. I can't persuade Graham at present - but who knows?